' Twas the night before Doni's , and all through the Keep ,
All the magi were wakeful , who should be asleep -
And Tristan and Morgaln and Belmos , good men ,
Were just getting ready to do it again .
Auntie Em in her Attic , and I in my room,
Were both settling down in the midwinter gloom -
When out in the Commons arose such a riot
The Librarian lost it and hollered for quiet.
Then everyone rushed out to see what it was ,
But they didn't see anything out there , because
There just didn't seem to be anything there .
So I squinted my eyes up and studied with care ,
When what to my Magickal Sight should appear
But a transparent sleigh with invisible deer . . .
And a shadowy driver, half-dark and half-lit :
( Apparently Remy's new batch was a hit .
Unlike Auntie Em'ly , who rations her stuff ,
Refusing to serve those she feels had enough -
Good Remy will bless all who put up the gold ,
And cheerfully lubricate til you're out cold . )
Having overindulged in the holiday booze ,
To come to quite covered with owl tattoos ,
He wobbled and belched , waved a bottle of beer ,
And called to his reindeer with drunken good cheer -
" Down cider ! Down lager ! Down brandy and rye !
Thanks to Aunt Em and Remy , I'll never go dry ! "
Then he rode with his load to each room in the Keep ,
But with all the excitement , no one was asleep .
He cussed , and he fussed , and he stamped a plump foot -
( Which , instead of the presents , left ashes and soot )
So he sped in his sled to the heart of the Keep ,
And , dumping the gifts in a glittering heap ,
Said to Tristan and Morgaln and Belmos et al -
" Well , they're YOUR problem now - have a holiday ball ! "
And I heard him exclaim as he rode from the Keep :
" ( hic ! ) The show 's over , folks - get your butts back to sleep ! "
